Heavy Metal

So I think my writer's block is caused by low self-esteem. That's no big revelation, I guess. Of course low self-esteem holds people back, and of course I've known for a long time that the only way to get ahead in this world is to sell yourself. And to sell yourself, you gotta BE confident, and if you're not, you gotta ACT like you are.
This weekend I was at a picnic, and I was sitting next to this girl. I know the girl, used to work with her, but haven't actually talked to her in almost a year. I don't know why, I mean, we get along just fine. I like her. We just haven't talked. Anyways, I'm sitting next to this girl, but for most of the time she had her back to me. At one point, though, she rolls over and looks me in the eye and is like "Hi!"
"Hi" I say back, "how's it going?"
"Good... how are you?"
"I'm good... just finished summer classes..."
"Oh, so you're just about done, right? Got a job yet?"
"Not yet..."
'What do you wanna do?"
"I want a writing job..."
"Like a newspaper?"
"Nah..."
"Magazine?"
"Yeah, that would be good..."
"That would be awesome! My friends writes for a [blah blah blah]" I tuned out then. Of course her friend writes for this or that. I have friends who write for this and that too. But _I_ don't write for anything, and I know I could if I wanted to. I just need to grow some balls, dig out of this hole of self-loathing, and GET MY ASS OUT THERE.

My problem is that I never think a piece is good enough for publication. I don't have the balls to submit anything for publication. So today, I read over the last piece I wrote for workshop last year. It's called "I Married a Metal Head", and it's supposed to be, like, a non-metal (read: girly-girl) guide to heavy metal. I thought it was a great idea, at the time, and had fun writing the piece. But now I look it over and... I don't know. Maybe it's not very good. I did some serious editing between the first and second drafts, and the second is a lot better than the first, but I still don't think it's something I would use in a portfolio. Which is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to make a portfolio so I can start applying for writing jobs. Everyone else seems to have the confidence, so why not me? I KNOW I'm at least a half-decent writer, and I'm sure I'm better than at least a few so-called "professional writers". And I know that what I'm lacking is confidence. Not energy, not opportunity, not money. I'm lacking CONFIDENCE.
and it's like... it feels like all these essays I write have an expiration date, like they'll go bad if I don't get them out to the public within a certain amount of time. I never get them out, and they keep going bad. They're growing mold and stuff. So, I'm going to post that metal head piece here... not because I think it's amazing, but because I need to post SOMETHING. I need to take some stuff out of the cupboards, get it out there, and look at it from a distance. If I post it, I won't worry about "publishing" it.
But I'm not going to publish it today. First I'm gonna finish another draft :)