Yes! I'm done blogging about the cleanse, and can get back to my self-indulgent fantasies that people actually read this blog! :)
So the next problem in my life is this: job search. It is going terribly. I've applied to 9 jobs in 3 months - 6 of those applications were sent out last week - because I can't find any job I WANT, you know what I mean? I've been offered my old job back, if I want it, in September. But I DON'T want it. It's boring and it doesn't pay well and it's not helping me reach my career goals. I have the luxury of taking my time finding a job, thank god, so I haven't had to apply for any retail positions yet. But I'm sick of being in this apartment, in front of this computer, looking for an ad that excites me. Maybe I should be a hotel night auditor, or a part-time office administrator, or... ANYthing, just to get out of the house. Maybe I should deliver pizza or something. Because I'm going crazy in this apartment, watching the same reruns on TV, doing the same daily quests in World of Warcraft, writing the same stupid shit on this blog, having the same conversations with H. over and over again.
Today was a "crying" day, sparked by my weighing myself right after dinner (never a good idea) and the start of a new reality show called The Fatchelor. Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's called More To Love. Reviewers just like to call it that other name because, you know, everyone on the show is fat. And because they're fat, they're worthy of punchlines. Take this review from Salon:

"Fox's new reality show More to Love might as well be called The Fatchelor: It's an excruciatingly typical dating competition with the single twist that both the catch of the day and the women competing for his attention are all larger than average. With weight as the show's central focus, the editing plays to as many fat stereotypes as possible: In the first episode, which airs Tuesday night, we get women weeping about their dateless pasts, one unironic use of the phrase "big-boned," a debate on the merits of Spanx and, of course, umpteen conversations about food — one of which includes the fatchelor flirtatiously declaring, "I like anything thick and juicy." (And cheesy, apparently.) The show's marketing and promotion campaigns claim a message of empowerment, but for the larger romantics among us, More to Love does little to dispel the myth that fat people's lives are built around dessert and desperation."

Dessert and desperation? Really? Because I'm fat, and I hardly ever eat dessert. And I'm definitely not desperate.
In fact, getting married is what made me fat in the first place yo. I was a nice, healthy weight (as I've said before) until H. and his sweet tooth moved in. Except that according to the rules of this TV show, my healthy weight (a weight which didn't seem to turn ANY guys off, let me assure you) is still considered "fat".
This, dear readers, is why I stopped watching More To Love. I'd intended to watch the whole thing, write it up for you (since I'm sure none of my readers are "fat", and therefore didn't watch it... because, you know, the only people who'd watch a fat dating show are fat people. And those who make fun of fat people.), and offer some "I've been there" insight. But I had to turn it off, because the... ugggh... the idea that a woman who weighs 170lbs, 5lbs over a "normal" BMI, is obese... no. I'm sorry, readers, it bugged me. And why are all the women on the show at least 50lbs less than the man? And WHY, WHY, WHY did they have to POST THE WOMEN'S WEIGHTS next to their names?
Why does their weight matter? It's not a weight-loss show, it's a dating show. They're not being judged on how much they lose, they're being judged on their ability to "find true love". Does their weight come into the "true love" equation at all? I mean, I'm done with this stuff... I've found my guy, I'm happily married, and truth be told I haven't been single since I was 19. I've never had to "date", really. But if this is what it's like to date, well... I guess I'd be a spinster, because I couldn't handle the constant self-hate. I have enough self-hate as it is.
I wanted to watch this show and support my big-boned sisters, you know? But I couldn't handle the way they... they seemed to ooze desperation and nervousness, as though they really thought this guy was their only shot at happiness. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. He could be a secret date-rapist or a wife beater or a racist or a Republican. I'm not saying he IS, I'm just saying he COULD be. They don't know, and yet they're willing to humiliate themselves, globally, to win his affections. It's ridiculous.
Even more ridiculous is that this is how skinny people see us. They think we're sad and desperate and if we just lost the weight, the world would be a better place. No, no it wouldn't. Insecurity doesn't go away just because you lose some weight. Insecurity comes from a much deeper place. It comes from our perceptions of the world. It comes from knowing where we stand in a group dynamic. It comes from knowing how we're being judged. If you've been fat, you know how it feels to be judged like that. Even if you lose the weight, I'm sure that self-consciousness stays with you.
On Sunday they showed that episode of Family Guy where Lois gains a bunch of weight. Peter tells her that he's not fat, "only fat WOMEN are fat." Like most of Family Guy, it's a joke that hits a bit too close to home. They didn't post the guy's measurements every time he was on-screen, like they did to the women. Did they? Like I said, I only watched the first few minutes.
Anyways, my point is this. I'm not down with More To Love. I was hoping the show would be... well, it's too much to hope that it would be empowering, but I at least thought it would be humanizing. Instead, like always, fat people are treated like cattle.
Maybe I should start writing about True Blood? That's what we watched instead...