Monday, June 30, 2008

Rachel and Bob

So, being a newlywed (Feb 26th, 2007 y'all), I've developed a taste for wedding and marriage-related TV shows: Wife Swap, Wedding SOS, and, most of all, a little thing on the Slice network called Newlywed Nearly Dead. Sometimes they'll show Saturday afternoon marathons of this show, and I'm glued; no matter how bright the sun is shining, or how much my entropied legs demand movement, I'm stuck watching these people try to work though their relationship issues.
This week's episode involved a couple named Bob and Rachel. Rachel is three months pregnant with their first child, and Bob is... ummm... balding. And has a tendency to spike his hair. Which is never a good look for a balding man. But anyways... the couple's issues revolve around two very important words: money and privacy.
First, money: it doesn't seem like they have a lot of it. And what they DO have, Rachel spends before it's even in the bank account. She buys purses, jewellery, luxury items. And Bob is worried that when the baby comes, Rachel won't be able to stop shopping, and they'll be financially ruined. Rachel, for her part, is oblivious to Bob's money worries. At one point during the show, while bidding on some ebay auctions, she turns to Bob and says (I paraphrase) "just because we don't have the money to afford the things we want doesn't mean we can't buy the things we want." His response: "yes! It does!"
Second, privacy: Bob likes his alone time, and the only place he can escape from the constant stress of his wife is in the bathroom. Or is it? Seems that the only way Bob can even be alone in the BATHROOM is if he locks the door - if he doesn't, Rachel bursts in whenever she wants to, whatever Bob's in the middle of, if you know what I mean. Despite constant appeals to let him be alone on the toilet, Rachel cannot let her poor husband BE! I mean, what does she think he's doing in there?
I'd like to think I'm not a judgmental person, but when it comes to TV, everyone is fair game. Apologies to Bob (and especially to Rachel), but if you put yourselves out there, you're going to be scrutinized. And I just have to say... Rachel... what the hell is wrong with you? For one thing, why the hell are you so desperate to get into the bathroom? Do you think Bob's having a party in there or something? And for another, what hole are you trying to fill with all the shopping? Maybe instead of buying clothes, you should get a hobby...
I love watching these shows with my husband, because we both think they're hilarious. Do people actually live like that? How do they manage to get dressed in the morning? I know TV shows are edited for impact, but still, the things you see on this show ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Even if it's edited for impact, these people (Rachel) are still spending hundreds of dollars on useless shit, still trying to break into the bathroom, still trying to justify their own stupid ways with weak arguments.
I didn't watch the end of the show (I was too frustrated with Rachel's complete disregard for the outside world!) but I hope that Bob and Rachel worked out their problems. I don't want to be one to give "marriage advice", I haven't been married long enough to do that, but from watching these shows I've determined that almost all relationship issues can be boiled down to one single word. Communication. If you hide things from your partner, be it opinions or credit card bills, your relationship is on a path to doom.

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