Feminism and Writing

Here's something that's been bugging me: on Monday I'm in writing class, and we're work shopping this essay about two girls: one's a stay-at-home hippie earth mother kind of chick, while the other works in a giant glass building in downtown Vancouver, and the point of the essay is (to me, anyways) that career does not necessarily equal happiness, but then again neither does family. The last line of that article was about how feminism is supposed to be about choices - but that was the first and only time the word was used.
One of the guys in the class said that using the word "feminism" is a bad move because the word has a lot of "negative connotations", meaning when they hear it they think of man-hating bull dykes (my words, not theirs). They suggested the author take the word out altogether.
I said "nuh-uh", it should be the other way around, the article is ABOUT feminism and the word should be explored on a deeper level: what does it actually mean in today's liberated society? Most of the girls in class agreed with me (or blushed and kept their mouths shut), and the prof said the intended audience of the piece was female, so it made sense.
Here's the part that bugs me though: I said the word "feminism" and the guy sitting next to me moved his chair away. He was joking, of course, and moved it right back, but... I didn't realize feminism was so dangerous to young men. Maybe I'm spoiled from living with H., who's possibly even more of a feminist than I am, but I was really shocked by that reaction. I don't think I'm a militant anything, and I wasn't trying to push any agendas on my classmates. All I said was that the article was about feminism. Then he moved his chair. Then I said "I think that proves the point: it's a dangerous word, obviously a misunderstood one, so it should be explored further. Feminism's not about man-hating chicks burning their bras anymore: it's about individual choice, and having the freedom to live life however you want to. In fact, in the context of this essay I'd argue that the stay-at-home mom is more of a feminist, because she's being who she is instead of doing what people expect her to do."
I said it again: "there's obviously a lot of controversy surrounding this word, and I think exploring the controversy is a lot more interesting to a reader, so I say run with it."
And the guy next to me was like "I say avoid it, because it's opening a can of worms."
....and the author said "I think I'll change the scope of the piece: originally it was aimed at a female audience, which is why I kept the word "feminism" in there, but after hearing what the guys have to say I think I'll aim the next draft at a general audience."
And I felt like I failed. Not that I was pushing an agenda, because I wasn't, I was arguing about the article itself. I thought it would have been much stronger if it explored the dangerousness of the word "feminism". Maybe I'm biased, but I think the piece would be much stronger (and interesting) that way, and also, I don't think the story will WORK as well for a general audience. I don't know. Mostly, I've been agitated about the guy moving his chair away, because I really like the guy and didn't expect him to do something like that (even as a joke).
I'm sorry to keep going on about it, but there's one more part to the story. So last week, I'm having trouble with my own article (which is about derby: I've told you about that) because I don't actually get to skate with the other girls until the 26th, but my workshop draft was due this past Monday. So I have a meeting with my prof, and he says "okay, what are your options?"
My options were:
1) submit an incomplete draft
2) write around the actual skating (which I didn't want to do, because it's the best part of the piece)
3) expand the focus so the article isn't just about roller derby: I suggested making it about derby and burlesque, how they relate to Third Wave feminism (which I didn't know much about: it's a phrase I came across in my derby research) because there are a lot of similarities between the two things.
4) write something completely different in the next few days: I had a good idea, but he said right away I should do #3.

I agreed: it was the most compelling of the four choices. But, I said to him, the word "feminism" is loaded, and I don't want to be seen as the crazy militant feminist chick: writing about feminism at all is likely to get me branded as a man-hating lesbian. It happened last year, I told him, when I wrote about my trip to Sweden and how Selma Lagerlof's writing appealed to me more than Hemingway's. A guy said THAT statement made me a "female chauvinist" and I was like "whaaaa?"
So I explained to my prof that I was worried using the word "feminism", let alone writing a whole article about it, was going to get me branded. He says "you know, there's always going to be people who get upset. It doesn't matter what you do. You should worry when people AREN'T upset by your writing, not when they are, because if no-one cares, you're doing something wrong."
The proper thing for a writing prof to say. But now, after Monday's class, I'm very worried about the male reaction to my article. It's not like I ever say "men are evil" or "men are keeping women down" or anything of the sort: most of the article, when it touches on feminism, is about the idea of "femininity," not misogyny. Men don't really come into play in the piece, except in one section where I talk about how back in the 70's the players didn't own their own teams - they were paid a small salary, and the promoters (all men, that's just the way it was) reaped the profits. But now most leagues promote themselves, and most teams are structured as non-profit organizations.
But that one section, I describe the average 70's roller derby promoter as a guy with "oiled hair and mutton chops, smoking a cigar and wiping his nose on the sleeve of his leisure suit." Which is, you know, the sleazy 70's. But I'm sure someone will read into that, and once again I'll be branded a "female misogynist", and... why the hell do I let it bother me?
Because I feel like I have no friends. I talk to people in class, but I'm the oldest person in the class (minus the prof) by a good 4 or 5 years. Most of the time, I sit there quietly, reading a book, answering questions when called upon, but I don't speak up because a) I don't want to say something stupid, or b) I don't want to say something that comes across as unintentionally bitchy, misanthropic, or... worst of the worst... OLD. I just want to blend in, you know, make the class as painless on myself as possible. So rocking the boat by using the word "feminism" is a stupid thing for me to do. But at the same time, I want to write things that interest me, and derby is interesting, and in my research I found you can't bring up derby without talking about feminism. So basically I screwed myself, and we'll see what happens on Monday. Hopefully the critiques will be about my bad writing, not about my female chauvinism. But we'll see.
What do you think - is the word feminism loaded with connotations?